.:|:. Dove Love’s .:. Points and Passions .:|:.

I finally found her :)  Years ago I endeavored to find one, but no one would fess up.   That is, no woman I asked would admit she regretted having children.  That would seem to be the worst “sin” ever.  Like “God” doesn’t know when you’re lying :)

And, oddly enough, I found the article on this (regarding this woman who admits regretting having children, and who also wrote a book about it, “40 Reasons for Not Having Children) via a woman’s blog on here who was essentially saying, “oh-the-horror” about this woman’s admission.  I would have thanked the oh-the-horror woman for providing the link to this article, but I doubt she would have approved my comment :) among all the Stepford wife comments she drew…

I saw this be-fruitful-and-multiply-but-we’re-all-sinners woman’s pic on her blog and it looked like she’d never seen a day of exercise in her life.  Sheesh, and she was, of course, referencing the above-mentioned woman as “selfish” for her views.  Typical.  All the while this, um, ”unselfish” woman is teaching her children how to not take care of themselves either — by her own lack of self-care (too busy to exercise?).  Ya’ know, taking care of yourself, your own needs…that selfish thing. 

Wonderful — more fat, miserable mom’s raising more “fine” fat miserable people…none of whom would ever be that wicked ole selfish thing.  Children draw from their parent’s energy — no matter what ya’ tell ‘em or how ya’ treat ‘em.  If the mother is lacking in self-care (aka self-esteem, self-love — appropriately putting oneself FIRST), not putting a priority on herself, she will be teaching by example (the most potent).   It’s called genuine self-esteem — and honesty.   As opposed to hiding the self-loathing while swallowing mounds and mounds of food to hide the regret…and pain (from thinking of and referencing oneself as a “sinner”… and making major life choices per an old book and societal pressures).

I commend the woman who wrote this book and made this admission.  That she regrets having children and is even advising other women to not have them!  Yesssssssssssss! :)  Yes, stop bringing more people into a world that has more (much, much more) than enough…

I have to say I knew as a kid I never wanted a child.  And despite my mother (who was clearly miserable with her choice to have several of them) telling me that I’d change my mind when I got older, I did not.  In fact, my resolve grew stronger with age.  Thank “God.”   And if you want to know why I say this, read her book.  I haven’t read it, but I’m sure she’s included all the reasons that I knew even as a child.

Regarding this topic, I’ve always remembered a couple of women I met in my younger years, both grandmotherly-looking.  One was one of the happiest women I’ve ever met — cute, slim, always smiling and jovial.  She had never had children, had never wanted them, never any regrets about it.  The other woman never came across as particularly happy, she had had six children, all or most of them were grown at the point I met her.  As I recall, she kind of admitted that she wasn’t that happy in her mother role.  She said her grown children had all moved to other states — she rarely saw them.  I’m not sure she was particularly sad about that, but perhaps a bit angry…  Women should truly take a lot of time in making this decision to have children.  The “clock” may be ticking, but there’s no turning it back once a child arrives…  And there’s alway the very admirable option of taking care of a child that’s already here.

In my view if someone is truly one with a deep desire to mother children for the rest of her life, which includes pretty much every minute of her life (if it’s done properly — and, yes, I knew this as a child), then I can’t fathom why she would not opt to care for those unwanted children who are already here.  Nevertheless, if she is such a woman, then I assure you she will not be referencing women who are childless by choice as “selfish.”  She would understandably be saddened that they are supposedly missing the joy that she is experiencing, not angry that they are being selfish and not being strapped by the burden that she is. 

Ya’ see how that works?  No?  How ’bout this…  If I have a delicious chocolate ice cream cone, enjoying the heck out of it on a sunny day in the park :) …  would I likely hate the woman sitting on the park bench for her choice to be chocolate-cone-less (heh), and for enjoying a book instead?  lol ;) 

Peace,
Dove

“You have a good day, darlin’” …  A guy just said that to me as he walked out the door where I work.  And it kinda warmed me :) despite my usual aversion to terms like “darlin’, ” “gal,” “sweetie” and the like — coming from total strangers (I especially dislike the term ”gal”).  Admittedly, being referenced in such a way and even finding it endearing is a rare bird for me.

I dunno, either I’m slippin’ in my older years or I’m learning that you can’t always apply a hard-and-fast rule to such things.  If some citified fat cat had said it to me, it probably would have set my cork to bobbin’ (lol…I’m so influenced by my southern roots)…but this guy is just a good ole country boy who meant nothing but kindness and respect with that “darlin’”  So, I’m okay with that…again, it kinda warmed me in an otherwise cold moment. 

Hmmm, I don’t think I’m mellowing on this issue of disrespectful or condescending terms per my feminist views, I’m just seeing that ya’ kinda gotta take ‘em as they come, use that wonderful intuition we all have :)  I think that’s one of the reasons we have it.  I don’t think we need rigid rules for anything — in fact, that’s one of our problems in this screwed up world.  So many rules, ready to shoot down anyone and everyone who breaks them.  No exceptions.  That’s BS, there are exceptions and they should always be considered.

“Guidelines” are a good thing, but I think we surely need to learn to trust our own heart in each moment.