.:|:. Dove Love’s .:. Points and Passions .:|:.

By Dove, www.TarotwithLove.com  This card, the Tarot’s Moon card, just arrived in my email box … and so incredibly timely.  Tears rolling down my face this morning, feeling very emotional and … well, not so good right now.  I’d just come upon a blog on my blog surfing page, speaking of soulmates and twin souls, twin flames.  Thinking about first connecting with a certain person, and how on point so much of this post is regarding he and I.   I’ve allowed this “relationship” to cause me so much pain, wasted soooo much time on it, and …  And yet I’m getting from this soulmate post that maybe somehow it has taught me good things, strengthened me?  I dunno, maybe.

But the Moon card mode is where I have primarily been through all of it.  Confused…and a lot of emotion, a lot of yanking the heart around, wondering if these feelings are mine or his…  We sensitive ones tend to pick up the emotions of others, and it can be a challenge to distinguish ours from theirs.  I’ve never been able to get clear as to what’s the truth about this connection, about what my real feelings are about it.  Moments of what definitely felt like “love,” but also undeniable hatred.  More often than not, it just seemed like a very unhealthy connection.

I’ve recently discovered how I tend to draw people into my life that give me mixed messages, and it so clearly aligns with my childhood.  Parental figures that seem to love us at times, get us stuff we need, say nice things, maybe tell us they love us…and yet in the next moment are saying and doing harmful things toward us.  I think that contradiction is what really messes with our minds more than the actual abuse…  And we grow and live with that energy of confusion, screwed emotionally (Moon card), and perhaps invariably feeling a love/hate thing in most of our relationships.

One day I was talking on the phone with “soulmate guy,” and I cringed when he said his middle name began with the letter “A.”  Even though things seemed fine between he and I in that moment, I thought, “Oh, shit …”  I just knew in that moment, the name, it was the same as my older brother’s, a brother who had hated me since birth, was jealous of me, terrorized me throughout childhood and even beyond…  Abuse that allowed me to know what it was like to be an abused spouse…I can remember seething with anger in watching, “The Burning Bed.” (A movie about spousal abuse.)  Was this connection about my needing to re-live some of that crap from the past, bring up the hatred still buried within me, from all of that?  Despite having been criminally abused by another family member, I feel the hatred that I felt for my brother has been the most potent, has almost killed me, is the key to all my health issues…it stirs me now, even in this moment.  And “ironically,” I idolized, adored, this brother as a kid, even as he hated me…  More seeds for the love/hate thing.

And yeah, I can see that this soulmate connection had a lot to do with that.  I felt the old hatred coming up when this person was cruel towards me.  Nah, his cruelty was in no way as potent as what I had experienced as a child, but it pushed those old buttons…and to the extent that I considered, well, leaving this world…

I think I held on so tightly to this thing between this guy and I mainly because there was an ocean of metaphysical “signs” and messages as to our, um, spiritual kinship.  I mean, there’s no doubt in my mind that we have this “soulmate” connection, but soulmates aren’t necessarily people we are meant to spend our lives with — we have lots of “soulmates” around us, they come and they go. 

Some of the synchronicities per this connection with this soulmate guy…  When I was living on the West Coast, over 2000 miles from here, the name of the street where I first met him came to me in a song.  A very unusual name for a street, I was stunned when I first saw it on a street sign while I was looking for an apartment here.  About a month before I met him and it continued up to that point, I was drawing the Two of Cups a lot from my Tarot cards.  That’s a strong love card, and/or points to a new, usually romantic, relationship.  About a week before I met him, I had a dream.  I was kissing Bruce Springsteen, heh  That was the dream, I remember feeling amazingly good after awakening from this dream, lovin’ that kiss :)  I thought about how he’s called “the boss.”  I didn’t have a job yet at that point, so I hoped it was symbolic of finding one soon.  Soulmate guy is an Aries (fire sign), which correlates with the Emperor in the Tarot, the Emperor is “the boss.”  This card can often represent an employer (more “boss” stuff:  I met him in a job situation, and he’s the reason I got that job – located on the street per the song).  And if that isn’t enough, shortly after we met, he jokingly (I thought) said he was “the boss.”  (No, he didn’t know about my dream at that point.)  In pulling cards on this relationship, the Tarot often showed him as the Emperor, or the King of Swords (another boss card).  Both cards represent someone who is kind of emotionless — which means, he hides his emotions or keeps them tightly under control.  When I draw the King of Swords on someone, I often ask “What’s under that?” and then I’ll see in the next card more clearly how the person really feels…

This person also has the same main animal totems (Owl, Crow…Hawk) and Life Path number as me (11/2/High Priestess).  He’s very psychic, and we had/have a strong psychic connection…  Once I was feeling a lot of anger towards him (a lot), and we hadn’t spoken in quite a long while, and out of the blue, he emailed me, and spoke of my anger as if he knew I was feeling it right then.  Another time we tried to guess what number the other was thinking of, we both got it right — that amazed me.  He told me almost at the very beginning that he knew our relationship would become a love-hate thing… He told me at a desperate moment in my life that I was going to make it, and I did.   Even so, the way he treated me at that time was inconceivably cruel (”ill-dignified” or reversed King of Swords), especially coming from a lover …

Via my Tarot, I often knew when breakups (many) and other things were about to happen between us.  I invariably know when he’s about to contact me again (even after many months have gone by) — I always start seeing his name, I’ll see it everywhere.  Once it had been about four months, and I’d been getting his name.  One morning I clicked on a blog and it had a sport’s celebrity theme, same first name as this soulmate guy.  Across the top of the page was his first name in giant letters.  It was so large, his name, it kinda stunned me.  I thought, oh-yeah, he’ll be contacting me very soon.  I got an email from him the next morning (after four months of no contact). 

Also the week before I met him, I was standing in line at the grocery store and my eyes were drawn to a caption on a magazine there, it was something “at first sight.”  Because I’d been getting the Two of Cups so much with the Tarot, I felt kind of excited by that, it was another little message, and it further assured me that I was about to meet someone special.

But easily the most potent message was also in that week before our first meeting…  It was one of those magical “tween times” :)  Still daylight but approaching dusk, and it was kinda “dreamy” outside ;)  It seemed from out of nowhere there appeared these two fireflies, right in the center of my upstairs window.  Oh-ma-gawd, it was so beautiful.  It was like they were putting on a show just for me :)  Having their sweet little fiery dance right in the center of my window.  I was mesmerized by it, I so loved it.  I recalled that fireflies are on the Lovers card in my Animal-Wise Tarot.   He  and I were first, um, “together” on the 4th of July … fireworks?  Not so much, lol ;)  But it progressively got a lot more fiery, in more ways than one. 

So ya’ see, a lot of synchronicity with it, so I have to believe there has been some reason for all of this.  And that’s why it has been especially difficult for me to accept that this person isn’t “the one” for me.  At this point, it is abundantly clear that he is not.  And yet I still wonder why there was so much “magic” about it — maybe I just allowed it to be blown into something it wasn’t because of all of that.  There was some joy in it, joy like I’d never known before, and maybe that was why the Universe put such an emphasis on it.  I don’t know.  But I do know that it has been a very unhealthy connection, and it’s clear that’s because both of us need to find that “wholeness” and healing that the soulmate post speaks of before we are ready to truly meet “the one.”  And what I most know is that I deserve so much better than the wicked, abusive energy that I grew up with, and until I completely heal, it’s clear that I’ll keep drawing those with this energy.  If for nothing else, I am grateful for having had this experience so as to come to this realization.

Peace,
Dove

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THE MOON

When we experience such turbulent emotions, it is difficult
to believe that we could ever feel harmony and peace within
ourselves again.

Highly charged feelings cause havoc in our lives, and when
The Moon appears in your readings, you can be sure there are
issues in your life that are causing confusion and mixed
emotions.

When this card appears, it is suggesting you take a step
back and view your situation from a different perspective
and with a calmer logic.

However, The Moon does represent powerful feelings and it
isn’t always easy to gain clarity: we often can’t ‘see the
wood for the trees’.  The path to clarity and understanding
is a challenging one, yet despite the emotional wrenches
you may feel, it is right for you.

For example, if you are in a situation where you need to
let go of a lover or partner for whatever reason, but
emotionally cannot summon up the courage to do so, even
though you know it’s the right thing to do, trust that the
new path you seek is right for you.

Often when a decision is very difficult and causes strong
emotional resistance within us, we allow our weaker nature
to rule. However, in many of these situations it is a brave
heart and clear mind that help us see through the fog of
unruly emotion and step onto our true path.

The Moon not only represents illusion caused by powerful
emotions, but also illusion or trickery created by other
people’s lies or misleading behavior.  Therefore, when The
Moon appears in a reading, it’s a good idea to question
your motives and those of people close to you, and it is
best to refrain from making firm decisions until you know
and feel a sense of certainty about your choices.

The wan light of The Moon does in some way shed light upon
the right path for us, but because we cannot see clearly
in dim light we doubt ourselves and hold back from taking
the steps forward.

The Moon may suggest that your avoidance to take action or
make a tough decision about a certain situation is simply
due to fear of loss. Fear has much to do with The Moon, and
courage is always needed to conquer fear, so take your time
when The Moon appears in your readings and search for your
inner courage. With patience you will find the clarity you
seek.

Source:  www.lotustarot.com

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Update:  The same blog that posted the soulmate post mentioned above just did another post (noticed it right after publishing my post here) that I’m strongly resonating with — an explanation for the tears and the sadness.  Very helpful reading this… 

http://indigolifecenter.wordpress.com/2008/02/24/twelve-signs-of-your-awakening-divinity/

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Dove’s Art    Dove’s Posts At-a-Glance    Dove’s Tarot Website

By Dove, www.TarotwithLove.com  Freedom is one of my big, big things :)  It even comes up clearly in my astrology and numerology charts — I feel like it’s part of my “purpose,” that somehow I will help others achieve freedom.

I remember as a kid, I wanted to be a horse, lol  Like a lot of kids, I looooved horses.  On the playground in grade school, the only thing I can remember playing was a game where we all pretended to be horses, running around acting like horses, and making horse sounds, hehe  When the Horse comes to me, I always feel its message is about freedom.  And here’s an example of how simply an animal totem can come to us :)

I’ve been looking for a calendar for the last three days on eBay.  Last year I got two nice-looking calendars for free (and often that’s been the case), so I don’t like spending much on a calendar.  Ten bucks is too much — hey, they only last a year! lol ;)  Anyway, I didn’t care what was on the calendar as long as it met two requirements.  It had to be cute, and I didn’t wanna pay more than 6 dollars for it.  That’s it.  Well for three days of browsing on eBay, nothing lived up to those specs.  Finally yesterday I zeroed in on what looks like a nice calendar of horse pics :)  I was about to pay $6.50 for it, when I saw the same one via another seller.  She had the price a little higher, but had the “Best Offer” feature.  So I offered her a number that’s been coming to me in the last few days, $1.01.  She accepted and I got my cute Horse calendar for $4.50, which includes shipping ($3.49)  :)  (Retails for $10)

Since the Universe “granted my wish” with the right price and cuteness on a Horse calendar, I take the horse to be a totem message :)  See?  Simple as that.  Same as seeing it on TV or in a magazine or drawing the Horse from one’s lovely Medicine card deck :)

I pulled a few Tarot cards on this as well, and it seems to be a very good sign/message.  The cards I drew represented power and faith, with a strong emphasis on patience as well.

 So, here are some interpretations for the Horse totem that I’ve come upon via Google…

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Horse Totem

Travel, Power, Freedom

Horses are symbols of freedom. 
This totem brings new journeys. 
It will teach you to ride in new directions and discover your own freedom and power.
Guide to overcoming obstacles.

The Horse is the symbol of Wind.

Horse people are usually friendly and adventurous.

If a horse has shown up in your life, you must ask yourself:
“Am I feeling constricted? Do you need to move on or allow others to move on?”

Horse will teach you how to ride into new directions to awaken
and discover your own freedom and power.

Source:  http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/horse.htm

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*Dove:  I especially like this one below, I can relate to the Mustang — I took one of those little quizzes quite a while back, “What Horse are you?” It said I was a Mustang :)  We really shouldn’t have to pay such a “high price” for our freedom, it should be a natural human right…

The Horse

The horse symbolizes freedom and the power that comes with being free. They pulled the wagon trains across the prairies opening up new frontiers to be explored.  Horses helped turn the Lakota and other Native tribes into the powerful mounted warriors and nomads that they became, although taming the horse wasn’t easy, as their spirit for freedom was a fire that burned within them.

Those with this medicine can be fiercely independent and have little tolerance for anything or anyone that limits their free expression.  This characteristic can create challenges in relationships of all kinds, especially co-dependent ones.  Those with this totem are teachers to their partners, friends and family showing them how to stand solid within themselves. Individuals who choose to be involved with a  horse person do so because the need for self empowerment is strong. They seek the horse and the power it holds rather than the horse seeking them.

Because horse medicine people hold the energy of power their leadership and teaching skills are usually in demand.  Intuitive and wise they make excellent therapists. They enjoy helping others but often feel as if there is no one to lead or teach them. If people become too dependent they will respond like a bucking bronco. Personal relationships often lack emotional or mental nourishment especially in the earlier years of life.  To compensate for this they are forced to go within and strengthen their bond with spirit.  This bond provides them with the nourishment needed to evolve their soul while staying grounded in the earth experience.

Horses give their riders the safety of speed and the promise of adventure.  Natives tribes used the horse to run,  fight, send messages, hunt and move their villages quickly. The horse carried people and their belongings into new uncharted territory and the challenges that it held.  If horse has come to you, you are being offered a gift of safe movement.  Is there somewhere that you want or need to go?  Horse can help you get there, whether the place is physical or spiritual.  Is their a new venture you want to undertake?  Call on horse to help you create it. Are there challenges in front of you that you dot want to deal with?  If so, the horse asks you to awaken your inner power and move forward with courage.

Before this continent became so populated, it was well suited to the Mustang.  They had adapted themselves to live in harsh environments on diets that wouldn’t sustain most horses.  However, their need for freedom made them unsuited to a country whose people seem compelled to control and dominate everything.  Because of this the mustang is just about gone.

When the horse, either wild or domestic, appears in your life the following questions should be asked.  Are you pushing boundaries that are going to cause severe repercussions?  Are you trying in your need to be free, to not play by the rules?  If so, this may not be a bad thing, but learn the lesson of mustang, there can be a high price to pay for freedom.

Source:  http://www.sayahda.com/cyc.html

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Horse

The horse was introduced to this continent by the Spanish, transforming this continent by providing its inhabitants with a freedom of movement and travel no other animal could provide. They pulled wagons and provided a speedy form of travel for the Natives. Because of the horse these people were now able to travel great distances along with their belongings.

Pegasus, Centaur and Unicorn are forms horses have taken throughout mythology. These magical creatures can see the essence of a man’s soul. Once wild horses were in the millions, currently there are only a few hundred herds left. They were pushed off the land by humans and hunted for domestication. Despite domestication, their strong love of freedom has kept their spirit alive.

Horse represents freedom and power. Horse people are wild spirits that cannot be broken. If Horse comes to you, look for safe passage into the new. We must synchronize our motives with that of others so we can quickly and steadily reach our goals.

Source:  http://www.animaltotem.com/horse.html

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*Here’s an interesting side note per this website above.  I see that some of my prominent totems, the Crow (which I also tie with the Raven, included here, as being my totem as well) and the Dove are indicated as totems for the Libra — which is my sign :)  The knowledge of these totems being part of me came at different times in my life (no one told me, they simply came to me, and I just knew), so this especially intrigues me.  It might be fun for you to check out your own birthday/sign on the above site, and see if the totems indicated fit you.

This site has a great calendar (for both 2007 and 2008), and the only one I could find in doing a Google search, showing the dates for Mercury Retrogade.  I love the way it’s highlighted, with “red-letter” days, and all the “shadow” days.  We’ve still got a few of these shadow days left for this recent retrograde.  All better after this Saturday, the 17th :)

And after my experiences with this last one, I don’t want to go through another without knowing what’s going on.  I had a lot of experiences this time that align with what they say about these time periods.  And you can rule out the power of suggestion, because I wasn’t aware of it. 

I’m posting the link to this calendar so that I can have ready access to this empowering information about what’s going on in the ethers :)  As above, so below.

http://www.astroprofile.com/2007mercuryrx.htm

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*Whoops, updating link to 2008 :)

http://www.astroprofile.com/2008mercuryrx.htm

Mercury Retrograde…  I totally didn’t know…just found out.  I’ve gotta start writing this stuff down.  I’m serious, there’s definitely something to this.  Some might think it’s the power of suggestion, but here I am having not known and my experiences over the last few weeks have definitely been typical of this retrograde thing.

I think it started about the 11th and, ugh, they say you shouldn’t start anything new during these times, and, of course, I started new things…  And, of course, they didn’t go so well. 

New hair stylist.  I liked her, so that’s a good thing.  And the cut was okay, except for one side wasn’t right (was late for work several times trying to fix it).  Went back to her and tried to explain how I wanted it.  She very kindly made another go at it.  It’s better, but still not right…  *whimper*  I miss my other hair stylist.  I’m hoping I can go back to her…

New dentist a week later.  Okay, I found them online, but he sounded very good.  And he was nice (albeit a bit pretentious with his mention of his brother right off the bat…lives in London…Hollywood…).  He was gentle, and he did seem to be thorough though.  What I most liked, he was a tad on the “alternative” side.  They have this cool “Bio-mat” thing, supposedly had amethyst crystals layered in it.  I was put on it and listened to peaceful sounds to calm my nerves :)  And it also impressed me that there was some literature on acai berries (superfood) on the receptionist counter.  But…there was a problem.  I won’t go into all of it, but it was spurred by the receptionist who apparently wasn’t as informed (or astute) as she should have been.  Daughter of the dentist :)  I should have ran when, in one of her emails to me, she spelled “definitely” as “deffidently.”  I honestly thought (hoped) she was joking with that, lol   Anyway, I was given extra services that I hadn’t agreed to.  I felt taken because of that overcharge, emailed them two days ago, and have not heard back yet.  *sigh*  Geez, I swear I’m going to make sure I know those retrograde times from now on.

 Oh, and other things here at work.  A wrangle with someone who works here, someone I had allowed to bully me for a year, and something inside me decided that was going to stop…  It was a little “wild” for a few days, but it has resolved itself in my favor :)  A rough ride, but I’m happy with the outcome – no longer having to endure his crap every day, all day long.  So if the retrograde had a hand in that, big points for retrograde on that one! :)

Also, our electricity here at work, it’s being going out way often in the last few weeks.  That’s especially annoying when you’re right in the middle of an email (or post) that you’ve been typing on for a frickin’ hour! :)  It blinked off a couple of days ago, and I had been typing a mega-long comment for a blog on here.  I had JUST published it when off the electricity went.  Phew, I thought, that comment apparently was “meant-to-be” :)

 And the days I’ve been “traveling” in the last few weeks, have been rainy/yucky (retrogrades cause delays, detours, slows ya’ down).  And I keep getting messages (phone issues) for someone who apparently lived in my apartment years ago — that just recently started AGAIN.  They’ve been leaving two or three every day…

Anyway, heads up — it’s Mercury Retrograde :)  Here’s a link I came upon just now with some info on it:

http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html