.:|:. Dove Love’s .:. Points and Passions .:|:.

By Dove, www.TarotwithLove.com  I just came upon this great post, with excellent advice that a lot of people need, and need to be reminded of.  It wasn’t that long ago that I realized I was addicted to adrenaline.  I think it’s spurred when we are ignoring our emotions, not taking time to honor them. 

The name “Jack” often comes to me when I’m needing to sit and chat with my anger :)  That is, I’ll begin to see that name everywhere.  Last night I saw it in a comment by my blog friend CV, but sometimes I let the first one go by.  But then just now I saw “Jack” again, twice, in the above-mentioned post.  An urgent call from Jack, and note how the article is right on point with it.  She mentions “Jack in the box” and there’s a person commenting with the ID name “Jack.”  Geez, why do I wince when I see it….because I know I’m going to have to endure discomfort in recognizing and processing my anger.

To add to this synchronicity, I drew a Tarot spread earlier today that showed me in a “Tower” mode.  That’s a Tarot card that, for me, often represents a crucial build-up of energy.  Anger.  I’ve also discovered that it’s often about being angry with myself.  And more often than not, I don’t even feel consciously angry.  That’s how efficient I’ve been in pushing it down and ignoring it over the years.  But this Tower will “explode” if I don’t heed “Jack’s” call soon.   That explosion for me is invariably an anxiety attack that can last from two to four hours, sometimes longer.  I have had these “anxiety attacks” every few days for the bulk of my adult life, and it seems they’re almost impossible to avoid after I’ve been out in the public, around a lot of people.  I tend to take on the energy of others without realizing it…  

Like most people (and even when we know better), I don’t like dealing with my so-called “negative” emotions.  They’re not fun, it doesn’t feel good, and I feel we’ve been brainwashed into having an aversion to them (”don’t cry,” “calm down!,” “there’s no reason to be angry,” “you need to straighten up” …)  And no doubt, we all like to keep going in that ”happy” mode, even when it’s a mask for not-so-happy, from denying that which we are, from dishonoring our powerful and precious emotions.

I wanted to add, before I go chat with Jack :)  (and do some physical exercise, ’cause “he” likes that) that I tend to draw people who also have this adrenaline addiction thing (like attracts like).  The guys that I’ve had ongoing relationships with are invariably work-aholics.  They are subconsciously drawn to doing work that puts a lot of stress on their bodies and minds… and jobs that keep them from really living life, from feeling the pain of life…  They prefer a life that is “dead” of emotion (including the sweet kind), and consequently their lives are a living “death.”  Emotions are what make us feel ALIVE.  

My last guy was frickin’ insane with a need to keep busy, he couldn’t sit still for five minutes.  Seriously.  I’d never met anyone like him before, he was the poster child for Adrenaline Addiction, lol ;)  He actually took pride in his mad busy-ness, thinking himself above others because of it, thinking his driving himself this way was admirable so as to be what he deemed a “success.” 

But the human body (and mind) can take only so much.  I had lived with a guy much older than him, also a work-aholic, also worked a job that put excessive stress on his body and mind…and he eventually “hit a wall” and had to get therapy because of it.  And I watched as he began to have his melt down…  All that “stuff” we’re running from continues to build as we ignore it.  Year after year, it builds.  Some type of “explosion” is unavoidable after a certain point.  And that can range from harming another to harming oneself to getting a serious illness…

For my “like energy,” it’s not about being a success in the material world so much as a drive to be a success in my personal life — that is, a need to have my immediate world “just right.”  I’m continually organizing, cleaning, making notes, planning, working to keep “my world” highly efficient…  That’s my obsession.  To a point that’s a good thing, as is working hard in the “real world,” but when it comes above one’s physical health, mental health, our spiriutal growth, being kind and charitable to others. taking time for others, giving love and attention to those we care about,  then that’s a problem.  

As I’ve written this post, I’ve become increasingly short of breath, a struggle to breathe right now…  I s’pose this is a sign of my fear with the whole idea of having to embrace, deal with, FEEL, these emotions, these aspects of myself that are deemed so “negative” by this society…

I hope to soon heal myself of this “adrenaline addiction,” what I see as rooted in a desire to escape the pain of life by keeping the heart and mind racing.  Too busy to notice the pain.  I feel getting cozy with one’s emotions (readily embracing all of them, “good” and “bad”), and facing and clearing old traumas, facing the fear of all of that, and adhering to the advice in the above article, is a potent step toward healing.

Peace,
Dove

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