“Who Knows Best?”
December 19, 2007
By Dove, www.TarotwithLove.com I have this absolutely wonderful book for which I reach so often, and have done so for several years now. Ya’ might say, it’s my sacred book, my “bible.” :) And oddly enough, it mentions “God” throughout the book. And that’s not something I’m generally fond of, a reference to a male biblical ”God” outside of us – I’m very anti-religion. Been there, done that — took on a lot of fear that took a lot of years to shed because of it. I know that being taught from birth that one is a “sinner” (and all the hell and brimstone stuff) is gravely harmful… I don’t think, I know, it has greatly harmed, almost destroyed, our world. I believe “God” is neither male nor female. I believe the stories in that old book are primarily symbolic and when it references “God,” it speaks of us, a wisdom and power within us… I believe many are coming to realize the truth of what I am saying here, and many more will. But, because I love this book so much, it is so filled with wisdom, I’m tolerant of the “God” aspect of it ;)
I recently connected with a woman on here, Grace :) and seemingly made the mistake of expressing my honest views with regard to religion and such. I’ve never been a “yes” person, and I’m exceedingly honest. I don’t want “followers” or “friends” with whom I cannot be honest, and “yes people,” well, they bore me. I tend to tell it like it is…I guess I am a lot like that there Queen of Swords :)
I thought my last post to Grace would help her to understand my position, but I don’t feel that it did per her response — I see the defensiveness (her: my “numbers of new commentors and visitors” …) despite her efforts to pretty it up :) And that’s okay. But her response did kind of stun me, it was like she couldn’t hear or didn’t want to hear what I was saying. I admit her position makes no sense to me… But upon feeling her defensiveness, including stating that her other friends did not take my position (even as I stated that I felt she had been light-hearted and not intentionally disrespectful per one of her statements), but I then started questioning myself…and it didn’t feel good to do so.
And so I got still for a moment, and asked, “Am I wrong?” How can I feel so strongly about my position on this…if it is so wrong to be feeling this way. I see clearly that religion harms people, it not only seems wrong, it seems very wrong… Why do I feel bad for speaking my truth? And as I was feeling/thinking this way, this book came to mind. Ahh, so I decided to ask the book :)
And the book I’m referencing is a wonderful book called “The Language of Letting Go,” by a woman, Melody Beattie, that I feel is so very “connected,” so very wise. I love her, and I love this book of hers. I often get still and “ask a book” a question, and I get the most amazing answers, invariably on point. But this book, the way it’s set up, works the best in doing this little ritual. So I filled my mind with the energy of this issue between Grace and I, and I asked to be shown the answer. “Am I wrong?” “Should I join in and embrace beliefs that I feel are so very harmful, so destructive?” “Tell me, what do I need to know about this?” And, with my eyes closed, I opened the book randomly. I often hear which side (which page), and I heard “Right, top.” The whole book is set up with short elaborations on different issues. The title of the section I opened to is “Who Knows Best?” :) And I’m going to type it here and will show the point where I was directed to first read, the “Right, top” point.
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Who Knows Best?
(by Melody Beattie from “The Language of Letting Go)
Others do not know what’s best for us. We do not know what’s best for others. It is our job to determine what’s best for ourselves. “I know what you need”… “I know what you should do.”… “Now listen, this is what I think you should be working on right now.”
These are audacious statements, beliefs that take us away from how we operate on a spiritual plane of life. Each of us is given the ability to be able to discern and detect our own path, on a daily basis. This is not always easy. We may have to struggle to reach that quiet, still place.
Giving advice, making decisions for others, mapping out their strategy, is not our job. Nor is it their job to direct us. Even if we have a clean contract with someone to help us — such aas in a sponsorship relationship — we cannot trust that others always know what is best for us. We are responsible for listening to the information that comes to us. We are responsible for asking for guidance and direction. But …
{here is where the “right/top” of the page begins)
… it is our responsibility to sift and sort through information, and then listen to ourselves about what is best for us. Nobody can know that but ourselves. *Dove smiles*
A great gift we can give to others is to be able to trust in them — that they have their own source of guidance and wisdom, that they have the ability to discern what is best for them and the right to find that path by making mistakes and learning. (Melody’s emphasis in italics)
To trust ourselves to be able to discover — through that same imperfect process of struggle, trial, and error — is a great gift we can give ourselves.
(And then Melody always concludes each section with an affirmation.)
Today, I will remember that we are each given the gift of being able to discover what is best for ourselves. God, help me trust that gift.
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I love this answer. And I find it delicious that “God” did not tell me I’d be frying in hell if I don’t measure up jiffy quick, lol ;) Nah, he/she guided me toward trusting what I strongly believe is the truth in this moment. That we learn to trust the way we feel, our own heart/intuition (the “God” within) – and allow others the same. That’s more important than a bunch of rigid, harmful religious rules… And what my intuition tells me in this moment, is that if we can’t do that with someone without fear of being rejected, without fear of losing ”friends” or “followers,” then that’s not a healthy connection or situation.
Peace,
Dove
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December 19, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Thank you for posting this, Dove. It’s too bad that you’ve judged my comments as defensive as I was mearly doing what you do: Stating what I believe in as truthful and straightforward way as possible. Is it because I didn’t agree with you on everything - or drew boundaries on what is/is not acceptable on my own blog - that you felt you had to dedicate an entire post to this? I find ‘this’ much more of a defensive stance. In fact, it’s ironic because what you wrote in your comments is exactly what your quote here speaks against doing: You took it upon yourself to write ‘for’ me.
One of the things that I like most about blogging is that we each get to pick and choose what we write about. If you want to blog about your own religious views, great. However, when someone comes to my blog to comment - being mindful of the energy that their words add to mine - I think it only right that I set the record straight for what is and is not acceptable.
Religion bashing is not acceptable - whether or not I agree with the content.
Nor would I ever think of dedicating an entire post to what amounts to a backhanded insult. I DID hear you - I just didn’t agree with all that you were saying - again, doing what Melody Beattie so beautiful
The reason I commented about new visitors is because you appeared to have taken it upon yourself to speak for others in the name of a hypothetical “what if”…And (I quote)
“for those who might just be passing by your blog, and who don’t realize that the label of “witch” is just as worthy of respect as “Catholic.”
So it was you who brought up passers by (new visitors, in my own venacular) first, Dove.
I find it very discouraging that while you appear to be all about speaking one’s truth - which is all I ever talk about, btw, as well as practice :) - you felt the need to post such judgements about me. Apparently what is ‘good’ for you is…what? for me?
I - too - find it much more empowering to state what I feel to be true for myself. I understand that you and I just ‘met’ here in Blogland…if you did, you’d realize that I am anything BUT a panderer to popularity.
Queen of Swords or not, I find this post to be a very interesting view into your heart. Thank you for posting it. I thought we were becoming “blog friends” - as you’ve stated yourself in previous posts here.
December 19, 2007 at 4:26 pm
After reading your post here, I went back and re-read my above post, I simply don’t see where I “judged” you, most of it isn’t even in reference to you, but how I felt, how I began to question my own intuition per your response to me — and that’s why I felt compelled to do a post on it. On my blog :) To hopefully help others when they feel this way — to show others how the Universe responded to my questioning my own discernment (not judgment), my own intuition, about this situation.
And considering how the Universe responded to me, via Melody’s book, a wonderful, very appropriate and non-judgmental answer — and yet it said nothing in the book about my questionable heart, as you are, um, suggesting in your final paragraph. Now that’s a clear-cut judgment. And you would have me again question my actions/statements, per what YOU think is best for me, eh? :) And per your statements here, you wish for me to believe that my “interesting” heart is the wrong one here, eh? That I should discount this wonderful message over yours, eh? Interesting.
My heart is just fine, thank you :) Just as this precious message from that wonderful book conveyed to me. And you’re welcome for my post, but, again, this was certainly not for your exclusive benefit.
I’d like to respond to some of your specific statements here.
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It’s too bad that you’ve judged my comments as defensive as I was mearly doing what you do: Stating what I believe in as truthful and straightforward way as possible. Is it because I didn’t agree with you on everything - or drew boundaries on what is/is not acceptable on my own blog
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Dove: I anticipated this to be your response. No, I don’t give a damn if you agree with me, it was the way you responded to me. I didn’t “judge” you per your response, I discerned and intuited that you were not happy with what I had stated. And your statements here show that this was an accurate assessment.
Dove: Your argument as to why you mentioned the number of your new visitors isn’t logical, and my “interesting” heart does feel that it was per a defense mode. I was making no statement as to whether people would like your blog and stay around — I simply wanted those people who tend to flit around different blogs to see a better view than you were putting forward regarding another religion, that I do embrace — because they harm no one. Should I have ran that past you first? I thought you upheld the pagan beliefs, so I didn’t consider this would be a problem.
Dove: Additionally, I had clearly stated that I didn’t feel you had any ill-intent with your “oh-my” statement, I said that I felt you were being light-hearted about (did you miss that??), I still feel that way. Even so, you buzzed right over that to unreasonably state how all your other friends were seeing it as light-hearted. Hello??? So why make that statement? Defensive. That’s not judgment, I’ve just outlined how it’s simply a logical observation.
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Religion bashing is not acceptable - whether or not I agree with the content.
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Dove: If that’s what you wish to call it, fine. I made no hateful remarks toward another, just my contempt for beliefs that harm others (in a totally calm manner). I care about specific individuals as well who do have these unfortunate beliefs. But I still don’t like or respect what they believe, but I do (as I stated on your blog) respect them as human beings. Of course.
Dove: But if my honest statements are what you call “religion bashing,” okay. I’m not going to change my honest feelings about it for you or your blog. And if you don’t like my statments on your blog, I have no problem with your deleting them. And no worries, I have no desire to make any further comments there.
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Nor would I ever think of dedicating an entire post to what amounts to a backhanded insult. I DID hear you - I just didn’t agree with all that you were saying
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Dove: You call that an insult?? That I honestly stated that I didn’t feel you heard me? Uh, okay. And, again, I have no problem with your disagreeing with me, it was the way you did so that bothered me…enough to question the way I felt about it. And, again, the primary reason for my post here is to show how the Universe responded to me. It gave me a lot of peace and joy :) I hoped to convey that peace to others for the point when they allow controlling ones, in their oh-so-subtle way, to “gently” coerce them into following a path that is not theirs.
Again, your view is common, I accept it. And it’s clear that you don’t wish to accept mine. No problem, I will be making no further comments on your blog. Resolved. But I don’t appreciate your very unkind statement about my heart, a clear judgment. And just more of your “sweetened up” defensiveness.
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One of the things that I like most about blogging is that we each get to pick and choose what we write about. If you want to blog about your own religious views, great. However, when someone comes to my blog to comment - being mindful of the energy that their words add to mine - I think it only right that I set the record straight for what is and is not acceptable.
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Dove: Yes, I see that everyone tends to agree with your every word on your blog :) I don’t think you were “setting the record straight,” you were simply shocked that someone didn’t perfectly agree with your every word. Sorry, I would never have posted at your blog if I’d known that was one of your rules. Again, I feel my statements were mild, and in no way justify the harsh label of “religion bashing.” Again, I stated that I felt you had been light-hearted in your “faux pas” regarding the “old religion.”
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I find it very discouraging that while you appear to be all about speaking one’s truth - which is all I ever talk about, btw, as well as practice :)
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Dove: Me too :)
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Apparently what is ‘good’ for you is…what? for me?
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Dove: Ditto :)
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if you did, you’d realize that I am anything BUT a panderer to popularity.
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Dove: Uh-yeah, your reference to all your new visitors and commentors, um, made that very clear :) Whoever said ya’ can’t be all things to all people AND be authentic, hmm, what were they thinking? :)
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Queen of Swords or not, I find this post to be a very interesting view into your heart. Thank you for posting it. I thought we were becoming “blog friends” - as you’ve stated yourself in previous posts here.
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Dove: Yes, I thought so too. There’s no question that you’re a good person, that you have high ideals, that you have a good heart… I wasn’t questioning that goodness in my posts (”light-hearted,” remember?). I just never imagined you would respond to such a mild difference of opinion as you did. But all things happen for a reason. I can’t help that you don’t like my truth — I could accept yours. But it’s clear you could not accept mine.
Dove: And further, it stuns me that you can’t see the reason, the compassion, in the way I feel. Feeling this way not from a point of controlling others (as per religion), but wishing for these horrible fear-based beliefs to stop harming our world. And in this, you see my heart is questionable? No, you are not someone I could be friends with, but I wish you well.
Peace,
Dove