.:|:. Dove Love’s .:. Points and Passions .:|:.

By Dove, www.TarotwithLove.com  I just came upon a feminist site via another blog on here, a thread on “sexual healing,” speaking of sexual abuse and “healthy” sexual appetites and all.  I couldn’t resist adding my two cents.  And that’s because I find it so unfortunate that we’ve been taught to be ashamed of our sexuality.

Unfortunate indeed.  Both because it’s this phenomenal pleasure with which we’ve been gifted in this amazing life, as well as a most empowering act.  Our sexual energy is profoundly empowering…it intermingles with our spirituality, our creativity, our intuition — it is one of the coolest things about us ;)  Truly.  And discovering this is very much about taking back our power.  (hint, there’s a reason we are brainwashed into believing our sexuality is “bad,” because it is very empowering.  If you wish to control people, you steer them away from that which empowers them.   People uniting in any positive way is a threat to those who wish to maintain control.)   I’m sure it stumps many as to how having sex is empowering.  Well, let’s just say it’s primarily about the potent joy of it, the power of that kind of “energy” (emotion), as well as the honesty of it, the freedom of it — being that which we are.  And when real love is a part of it, it is explosively powerful…

But the issue on this thread is regarding the healing of sexual abuse and how moving toward healthy sex may be part of that healing. 

A few posters relayed their dissatisfaction with the supposed suggestion in this thread that having no desire for sex was unhealthy — an “asexual” one also made her discontent known with statements that were made.

Anyway, this was my comment…

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Gawd, I can’t imagine life without the joy of orgasm :) I’m a “survivor” of this kind of abuse as well, and I’ve had the “symptoms” of that during sex (remember feeling numb once in the process years ago, like I wasn’t there), and I’ve also played out the “patterns” of it all.

Even so, I now have a very “healthy” sexual appetite for and attitude towards sex. I feel what healed me most in this area was shaking off the belief that sex was bad/dirty (”dirty dancing,” “junk”) per traditional religious beliefs. And I know most of us have at least a subconscious belief of such. There’s no way around it in a society so infused with such beliefs. We’ve been brainwashed into believing that sex is very wrong, even if consciously we don’t believe it — or don’t want to believe it. We’ve witnessed the harsh reactions that churchy people have to sex, we’re supposed to be ashamed of it, it’s something we are supposed to hide the reality of, pretend we don’t do. Keep ourselves covered so as to make it seem that we have no animalistic attributes or tendencies. Not healthy, denying that which we are.

But I thankfully am healed of that type of ignorant and fearful thinking. We (clearly most of us) are animalistic, we have all the “equipment” :) and desires to have sex. We were “meant” to have sex (okay, most of us).

And the joy that not only orgasm brings, but that phenomenal closeness with another human being that we’ve already connected with emotionally/mentally, its wonderfully joyous.

I can only feel sorry for those who don’t experience that kinda “magic.” And I also wonder if perhaps they have actually learned how to have/get an orgasm. Perhaps some have no idea as yet the physical pleasure they are missing. If they’ve never had an orgasm (I hear that’s not uncommon), how could they? How would they know what we are talking about?

Additionally, it’s quite telling that the majority of those who find it “healthy” to not want sex, have also been traumatized by sexual abuse — and supposedly healed of said abuse. But if they are truly happy (and not hiding anger and unhealed trauma), then okay :)

But sex isn’t “dirty.” If it is, then we are — because sex is very much a part of us, of this life experience. No sex, no people, eh? And we very much aren’t “dirty,” we are profoundly amazing beings… Asexual and otherwise :)

I say there is nothing more blissful than having sex with the right partner and I’m exceedingly grateful that I haven’t a hint of guilt or feelings of shame afterward. That makes it even more joyful, knowing that it is not only right and “good,” but also very empowering, magical even :)

Allowing that “animal” in us to come alive in a loving ritual is also very freeing…its honest, its real, its magical :) And I can’t imagine taking equal pleasure in knitting or baking a cake. But hey, I guess those are good too ;)

Peace,
Dove