.:|:. Dove Love’s .:. Points and Passions .:|:.

By Dove, www.TarotwithLove.com  Here I sit, with my heart still pounding from, once again, racing to work — mad as hell at myself all the way — for yet again allowing my addiction to adrenaline to be.  I live three frickin’ minutes from work!!  It’s insane that I can’t be early for work.  I know it’s about my anger, I understand it — hell, I’ve written articles about it with some great advice.  So why can’t I fix this in myself?  Why don’t I — why don’t I change?  I dunno, I get tired of the ongoing process of having to give it (my anger) attention, to do all the processing stuff — I DON’T LIKE FEELING ANGRY!  I don’t like thinking about all the things that make me angry.  I don’t like thinking about the crap I endured in the past…as a kid…that infused me with rage.  I don’t like thinking about how so many sorry-assed people got away with harming me.  I don’t like thinking about all the loathesome injustice in this world…  Because that makes me want to hurt them — and that makes me wanna cry.  And I hate to cry…even though I know that’s the healing point.

As I was panting from my wild rush to get here, I grab my regular deck of cards, and angrily ask, “What?….what the hell?…why?”  I pulled several diamond cards, which I’ve come to see as a blending of the coins and wands in the Tarot — fiery/physical.  Jack of Diamonds was the second card I drew.  “Jack” is what my anger calls itself.  He’s the “fire in my belly.”  The cards seem to be saying that if I want to get my life on track, heal all my crap, I’ve got to be GRATEFUL for my anger — I’ve got to love it (Ace of Hearts/Cups) – love it!  I’ve got to get to a point where I LOVE (aka, honor, respect, be grateful for, give attention to) my anger…AND to actually see the opportunity in it (Ace of Diamonds).

Now that’s a challenge, especially with most people telling ya’ how bad our fear and anger are (I do believe fear is the root of all anger).  And I do feel these potent emotions are very unhealthy when we allow ourselves to be consumed by them most of the time.   But that applies to anything really — excesses are not good thing.  Balance, moderation, “the middle road,” is.

But the irony seems to be that if we totally try to ignore them, pretend these feelings don’t exist in us, deny them, hate them…they then become a “monster” in us, the monster in our lives.  They become the block to all our dreams, all the good things we hope for, but never seem to be able to realize.  I believe, without question, it is the denying/hating of this part of ourselves that brings about “evil.”  It simply makes so much sense — how in the world could it be a good thing to HATE any part of our human-ness?  To hate ANY part of us, is to hate the “whole,” to hate ourselves. 

We will never get to that crucial self-love until we can love all of that which we are — including all of the “ugly” and supposedly “bad” stuff.  If you don’t love all of it, then you don’t truly love it.  Unconditional love — that’s the only true love.  The rest is pretentious bullshit — conditional “love.”  Again, unless we accept, understand, have compassion for, embrace EVERYTHING about ourselves, then we don’t truly love ourselves with the kind of depth that is crucial for healing ourselves, our lives.  And you will never convince me that you can truly love another until you can unconditionally love yourself in this way.  We attract the energy that is within us. 

 Ahhh, I feel better having written this…  Hmmm, I guess that’s all ”Jack” wanted, some of that powerfully healing attention … respect/honor … love.

Update:  I thought this might be a good place to share a picture I created while feeling a lot of anger, “Fire in the Belly (what rage looks like)”

Dove

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